AOL, AOL, AOL, Why Won't You Let Me Sleep?

Wow. Where do I start?

Today, my friend Dave brings in another AOL free trial CD to put in our CD shredder. That is an oh so satisfing sound! This thing eats CDs like they're Krispy Kremes.

But there are (at least) three things wrong here. Let's examine more closely, shall we?

First, why does AOL keep sending these things? Notice how I refuse to link to AOL? OK, so while Dave might be the last person on the planet not to have his own ISP, that certainly makes him a target, but they've sent me dozens and dozens of these over the years as well. Years when I already had broadband. And some of these CDs are quite creative. AOL doesn't skimp on marketing budget. They're not in a cheap little white CD sleeve. No sir. Not good enough for the mighty AOL. They send them out in metal embossed jewel case tins and, like this one, a nifty thick pressboard case with mitered corners and beveled edges. And the artwork, oh! the artwork. Yes, people do collect these.

AOL, if you're listening (yeah right), Dave would like you to send him the money you invest in these CDs instead of the actual CDs themselves. The money will not meet its fate at the shredder -- but may be wasted in other ways...

Second, AOL either needs a math lesson or they've got stock in NoDoz. This offer was for 1099 hours free for 50 days. Wow, 1099 hours of a horrible product that dumbs down the Internet just so that...Oh wait, that's not my point here. Do you know many hours are in 50 days? 1200. That leaves just 101 hours without AOL. So in order to maximize your free trial and use those 1099 hours, you would get just 2 hours of sleep each night for 50 nights. Of course, this all assumes you stayed online for almost 22 hours each day. Perhaps you could finish surfing the Internet (except for that huge part that AOL hides from you, of course, but again, that's not my point here). Couldn't they just say "unlimited"?

Third, don't they realize that people are so annoyed with these things and have so many of them that they've become very creative? Surely they must have seen this AOL CD potato cooker that really baked a potato in three hours and they must know that people use them to cut pizza. Right? Maybe they've seen the suit of armor or the prom dress?

There is even a NoMoreAOLCDs site that aims to send AOL a message and offers tips on recycling them. In April they dumped 60,000 AOL CDs on the Capitol steps. And their picture gallery of creativity is impressive.

So if you, or a friend you know, uses AOL please, if you don't get help here, get help somewhere. Posted by Chris on 8/18/2004 12:32:00 PM :: Permalink   
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